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by NerdsbianHokie



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/F, set after ME3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 03:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5076040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdsbianHokie/pseuds/NerdsbianHokie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn’t fair, really, that the pieces of metal in her hands had survived.  Armour, gone.  Flesh, gone.  Woman, gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





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It wasn’t fair, really, that the pieces of metal in her hands had survived. Armour, gone. Flesh, gone. Woman, gone.

But these tiny scraps, they had survived.

She rubbed the name etched into the metal with her thumb. A gouge had taken place of the last few letters, completely erasing Shepard’s first name. 

That was how history would remember her, wasn’t is. Commander Shepard. Soldier. Savior of the entire universe.

More than the woman. More than Jane, who kept her guns in impeccable condition, but had a tendency to leave her laundry on the bathroom floor. Jane, who loved 20th century horror movies. Jane, who talked to every crew member after every mission, who could only make good tea at three in the morning, who mumbled in her sleep, who was so much more than the picture history would paint.

Sam ignored the pain in her thumb as she stared at the broken armour locker.

No, it really wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that the only thing left was the dog tags.

The dog tags that were being pulled from her hands.

She yanked the tags back towards her, and looked up at the intruder. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do to them, but any plans faded beneath blue eyes.

Liara sat on the bed next to her. She wrapped her hands around Sam’s, and gently pried the dog tags away.

“You are bleeding, Samantha.”

Sam looked down. A thin line of blood had formed on her thumb.

“Oh.” She bent her thumb, and watched as the blood welled.

Liara let out a soft sigh. She pulled Sam’s hand into her lap and wiped the blood away. Sam looked back at the locker.

“She would not like to see you this way.”

“I wouldn’t be this way if she were here, would I?” The words came out harsher than she had intended, with more emotion than she had felt in ages.

“You cannot think like that.”

“Why not?” She bowed her head, her hair falling forwards.

Liara raised one hand and brushed the hair back. “She wouldn’t want you to.”

Sam scoffed. “That’s bloody great for her.”

“Sam.”

She squeezed her eyes shut. Jane had been the one to call her Sam. Liara had stuck with Samantha, only using the nickname when emotions got to her and the extra syllables became too much.

“Why did she have to…” She broke off as her throat closed.

“Because she did,” Liara replied. “Because she would never have forgiven herself if she hadn’t.”

Liara lifted her hand and let the dog tags swing on their chain. Sam stared at it for a few moments before shaking her head and looking away, eyes closed against tears. She flinched when a small weight rested on her neck, followed by her hair being moved.

She opened her eyes to the dog tags resting against her chest. They lay so one showed the Alliance insignia, and the other the N7. Sam reached up and wrapped her hand around the tags.

“Because that was who she was,” she whispered. “I miss her.”

“I know,” Liara replied. She wrapped an arm around Sam and pulled her in. “I do as well.”

Sam turned her head so her face was pressed into Liara’s neck. She took a deep breath, drawing in the expected sweetness, as well as the unexpected woodsy scent of Jane’s soap.

“How did you handle it the first time?”

Liara let out a light laugh. “I refused the truth. I found a way to bring her back, but I don’t think that will work this time.”

Sam shook her head. No. They would need a body for that.

They would need a body. God, there really was nothing left of Jane. Nothing but the damned dog tags.

Her grip on them tightened as sobs rose up, and tears fell for the first time since she had found out, since Liara had returned from Hammer, forcibly pulled her from the CIC, and practically collapsed in the elevator on the way to Jane’s cabin.

Sam had held Liara then. Held her as the adrenaline had worn off. Held her as the tears had started. Held her until she had found the strength to move out of the elevator. Held her as she had curled up on the bed, fully armoured and covered in blood.

This time, she was the one being held.

Liara maneuvered so they were lying down. Sam curled into her, twisted her fingers in Liara’s jacket, and sobbed.

Sobbed for Jane, for Liara, for herself. Sobbed for the ruined cities, the empty colonies, the dead planets. Sobbed for the dead, and those living in pain.

Gentle singing made it’s way through her sobs. A lilting voice wrapped around unknown, yet familiar words.

They sent her back, to many nights during the war, woken to Jane, tense and trapped in a nightmare. More often than not, Liara would already be awake, half humming, half singing. Always the same song.

They never spoke of it, any of them.

Sam curled further into Liara as her sobs faded, as her mind calmed, as she finally fell asleep.


End file.
